The dressing room was unusually quiet, the normal chatter and banter that filled the air nonexistent to Jesse’s ears. If it had been any other day perhaps he would have been more suspicious, his mind wondering if Shintaro was planning a prank behind his back or if Juri had made good on his promise to put one of the members in a headlock for waking him up again. Taiga was the biggest culprit of shaking Juri awake, wanting to show everyone and anyone his growing collection of various otaku goods.
If Jesse hadn’t watched nearly every member of SixTONES leave, his mind would have been going into overdrive trying to figure out why it was so silent. He had seen Shintaro drag Kochi off for a between concert meal, and Hokuto had tagged along for a small snack and a bottle of tea. Juri had requested a massage the second the first concert of the day had ended and hadn’t returned yet. Not that Jesse minded. It meant he could claim the entire couch for himself until Juri inevitably appeared and sat on Jesse’s stomach as punishment for claiming the whole couch, making Jesse beg and promise he would share. It was a cycle of pain Jesse should have learned from by now, but he enjoyed coming up with more ridiculous promises to free himself to care too much.
The couch he occupied wasn’t the most comfortable in the world, Jesse’s legs barely fitting, and whoever had chosen it hadn’t even bought decorative pillows! Jesse had swiped Kochi’s jacket when his back was turned, balling it up and stuffing it under his head and neck for a little support. He planned to give it back when his little rest was over…only if Kochi noticed it first. There was something oddly fun about walking around with Kochi’s jackets on, seeing how long it took him to realize it was missing from the racks.
Jesse stretched a little, his ankles digging a bit into the arm of the couch, and he let out a happy grunt. He knew he needed to get some food in his body before the evening show started, but that wasn’t for a few hours. Maybe he could ask Shintaro or Hokuto or someone to grab him something? Jesse wasn’t too concerned about when he would get to eat. He was always down for food the second someone mentioned it, his stomach a bottomless pit. At that moment, there was something far more important occupying the forefront of his mind.
Taiga was the only other person in the room, laying on the floor on his back with his legs splayed out as if to take up as much space as possible. His phone was a few inches from his face, the light illuminating his features as he randomly tapped here and there, but it was his eyes that worried Jesse the most. Taiga looked as if he was moments away from falling asleep.
It certainly made sense why he was so exhausted. Jesse felt the same. They had booked fifty arena shows that year on top of their individual work and then add in all of the meetings and planning they had for the rest of their sixth anniversary? It was lucky any of them were standing, focused, and performing to their usual standards. Jesse was craving a full three days off in a row, so he could catch up with the sleep that his body desperately craved.
“Taiga,” Jesse said, letting the character’s Taiga’s name turn musical in his voice. He saw Taiga’s head turn, his eyes meeting Jesse’s. “You know you don’t have to lay on the floor? You can come and join me up here.” Jesse patted the little bit of the couch his body wasn’t occupying. “We can cuddle while you take a-”
A squishy body was flopped over Jesse before he could process what was happening, a mess of brown hair invading his mouth as Jesse struggled to not laugh. Taiga was clinging to him like a koala so he didn’t fall off, his head nuzzling into that familiar spot of Jesse’s armpit. Half of Taiga’s chest was draped over Jesse’s chest, one of his legs thrown over Jesse’s waist and hips, but the happy sigh from Taiga’s mouth made Jesse completely melt. They didn’t get many moments like these nowadays.
If anyone asked how the two of them started dating, Jesse always laughed before launching into a tale he had told enough times he knew the exact words and timber of his voice he wanted to use to tell it. It had begun as any love story did with Jesse developing a massive crush on Taiga back when they were teenagers, Taiga far more beautiful than anyone Jesse had ever seen in his life, and his personality? So insanely chaotic and cute that it made Jesse want to smother Taiga’s entire being with affection. Not to mention his voice! God, Jesse felt like a sixth rate singer every time he heard Taiga sing live. He wasn’t worthy of being in Taiga’s presence when he sang! And if he didn’t deserve to be in the same room as Taiga, how could Jesse ever be worthy of dating somehow who was as perfectly crafted as Taiga?
The first time the two of them had been chosen to sing a duet together a firm refusal had been on the tip of his tongue until Taiga had run up to him, a massive grin on his face as he all but tackled Jesse to the floor. That hug had been permanently burned into the back of Jesse’s mind, and he vowed to somehow match Taiga’s raw skill and talent. He couldn’t let that be the last and only time they sang together.
Years passed since then, Jesse’s crush only growing in intensity as the two of them performed more together as well as debuted in the same group. There were days of long photo shoots and music video shoots, waiting around for their turn to be on camera. Taiga always clung to him, always held him close, and there were a few moments that Jesse could have sworn he saw Taiga staring at his lips. That had to mean that Taiga felt the same…right? This overflowing love consuming every bit of Jesse’s heart had to be mutual. It had to be a sign that Jesse should ask him out
It took a few weeks of psyching himself up before he asked Taiga if he wanted to get coffee, and Jesse felt his brain shut down the second Taiga agreed. He couldn’t believe it! How was this happening? How had the Kyomoto Taiga agreed to go out with him? Jesse would have pinched himself, but he didn’t want to accidentally make the wrong impression or let on how excited he was. They found a date in a few weeks where both of them were free, and Jesse marked it on his phone. He was positively buzzing with excitement when the day finally arrived.
Their first date had been magical even in its simplicity. They had gone to a coffee place Jesse loved and, when the staff told them the shop was closing for the day, neither of them had wanted to go home quite yet. They ended up wandering the streets of Omotesando to fill the time, and it had been cute seeing Taiga’s nose scrunch up at all of the fancy brands closing down for the night, the interiors so expensive and cold looking. Taiga promised to take Jesse to a good store next time they went out, and Jesse had laughed, knowing fully well it would have something to do with Conan or Pokémon. He didn’t care where Taiga took him. He just wanted to be by Taiga’s side.
After they tired of being in the crowded streets of Tokyo, Jesse took a cab with Taiga back to his place, being a complete gentleman and walking Taiga to his door. His heart was beating like a freight train the whole time knowing fully well he planned to kiss Taiga goodbye. He would abort if Taiga didn’t seem like he was into it, Jesse not wanting to force himself on the object of his affection. He would be crushed if Taiga rejected him, but he would move on if that happened. But Taiga hadn’t seemed entirely opposed as they chatted outside his door, fingers playing with the edge of Jesse’s jacket with a coy smile on his lips. Jesse took his chance, his fingers brushing against Taiga’s chin. He nudged that beautiful face up with the tips of his finger and closed the distance between the two of them, Jesse’s heart hammering in his chest the moment their lips touched.
To say it had been magical was a gross understatement. Throughout the years Jesse had imagined what it would be like to kiss Taiga, how sweet he would taste, and how soft those lips would be on Jesse’s own. Every thought, every bit of curious wondering that had passed through Jesse’s mind, didn’t come close to the real thing. Taiga was a fantastic kisser, and Jesse found himself getting lost in his lips, Taiga’s little sighs like music to his ears. And when Taiga had grabbed onto Jesse’s shirt, pulling Jesse forward until Taiga was pressed into his door? Jesse’s mind had been spinning in his head, especially when Taiga started coaxing Jesse into exactly the way he liked to be kissed.
Jesse hadn’t wanted to leave. He wanted to spend all night in Taiga’s apartment, kissing and exploring and learning all of the little things that made Taiga tick. If only both of them didn’t have individual work booked for early the next morning. Jesse would have risked it, but the need to be professional won in the end. He found himself in a cab heading home, heart feeling as if it was floating amongst the clouds. Jesse kept reaching up to touch his lips, eyes closed as he tried to commit to memory what it had been like to kiss Kyomoto Taiga. He didn’t ever want to forget what it had been like.
The first three months of their relationship had been the best of Jesse’s life. Whenever they were free, the pair of them were in constant communication, their conversations lasting until the early hours of the morning if they didn’t have work the next day. They went on dates whenever their schedules allowed it, those occurring few and far between. Jesse made sure they never kissed in front of their groupmates or staff, stealing private moments when no one was around. He didn’t want to admit their relationship when they were still learning how each other was as a romantic partner. Until they both agreed to tell the other members of their group, Jesse would remain quiet, mind spinning and wondering how he had gotten so lucky that Taiga liked him back.
As their three month anniversary approached, Jesse checked both of their schedules and found both of them had the day off from any idol work. He immediately asked Taiga if he had any other plans that day and, upon learning Taiga was free, started plotting the most romantic three month date that Jesse could think of. Champagne, roses, and low lighting to set the mood. Jesse had even decorated the entire floor with rose petals leading to the bedroom in case Taiga wanted to further their relationship in that kind of way. If not, it was fine. Jesse was fine with waiting however long Taiga wanted. Jesse only wanted his boyfriend to know how loved and appreciated he was.
But Taiga hadn’t reacted the way Jesse thought he would upon stepping into Jesse’s apartment. He had stopped, staring at how Jesse had decorated with wide eyes, before letting out a nervous laugh “What’s up with all of this?” Taiga had asked, reaching down to scoop up a handful of rose petals and letting them fall gracefully to the floor. “Are you confessing your love for me or something?”
Jesse had been stunned to say the least, mouth agape as he tried to find the words. This had to be a joke or something but…it couldn’t be. Taiga wasn’t the type to make these kinds of jokes. Had…had Jesse read too much into everything? He had never properly asked Taiga to be his boyfriend, but he had thought it was obvious with how handsy the two of them had gotten at times. Maybe Taiga had just thought they were fooling around, and there were no strings attached to what they were doing. The mere thought made Jesse’s heart break. He should have known it was too good to be true, and his feelings were only one-sided.
“It’s…it was…for our three month anniversary,” Jesse said, the words barely forming behind his lips. He didn’t wait to see Taiga’s reaction nor if he left. Jesse didn’t think he could handle whatever emotion crossed Taiga’s face because there was no way things could turn in Jesse’s favor now. A daze came over him, Jesse’s feet leading him to his bedroom, and he collapsed face first onto the sheets.
How…how could he go back to SixTONES and act as if everything was normal after this massive failure? It wasn’t. It couldn’t be. Jesse didn’t think he could even bear to stand next to Taiga and sing as if everything was alright and Jesse’s heart hadn’t been broken. Nine years. Nine long years he had pined after Taiga, hoping and praying for love to form between the two of them, and just when he thought that had happened, it had been ripped away in an instant. He should have never gotten the courage to ask Taiga out and quietly tried to move on. It would have been the better ending for the both of them.
But the bed had dipped, Jesse’s breath getting caught in his chest. Taiga had stayed? But why? The only thing Taiga could offer him now was pity, and Jesse didn’t want to be pitied. He wanted to be left alone. He waited patiently for Taiga to get up and leave, not wanting to say a single word and wallow in his heartbreak, but the barest touch of a hand was on Jesse’s spine, drawing little circles upon his back.
“I’m sorry,” Taiga said, his voice so soft to Jesse’s ears. “I should have noticed your feelings, especially when things started to change between us over the last few months. I just…” Taiga’s words drifted off, but Jesse didn’t feel like he could move let alone breathe until Taiga spoke again. “You’ve seen the kind of people I’ve dated in the past. They only wanted to get close to my parents or because I have my own fame they’re chasing. I’m not saying that’s what you want,” Taiga said quickly, “but I’m so used to people seeing how I am on the outside and then running when they get to know the real me.”
Jesse’s mind was going a mile a minute listening to Taiga’s words, waiting for the shoe to drop. There had to be a ‘but’ coming, sweet words letting Jesse down. He hoped he didn’t have to wait long for them. A quick break was better than being strung along with an inkling of hope clinging to heartbreaking words.
“I’m not a very good judge of character,” Taiga continued. “I didn’t notice half the red flags I should have in my past relationships but sitting out there staring at everything you put together…I finally put it together, Jesse.” There was a hand on Jesse’s shoulder tapping it. Jesse hadn’t wanted to look up, but the insistent poking eventually won over. He turned over and met Taiga’s eyes, every cognitive function stopping in his brain when he saw Taiga’s expression so bright, his smile shining. “You’re the first good thing to happen to me. You treat me like a person and not my idol persona, and I love how genuinely you care about celebrating little things.” Taiga paused, his hand on Jesse’s shoulder trembling a little. ‘I know you’re hurt that I didn’t realize you asked me out, but I would love to continue this relationship if you still want to date.”
Jesse hadn’t needed to think twice about it. He didn’t need to worry if Taiga’s words were sincere or not. Because they had grown up together, he knew Taiga wouldn’t have approached him or asked him out if he wasn’t fully willing to commit to being together. Jesse had only pulled Taiga down onto the bed, crushing their lips together, and letting that be his answer.
It had been four years now, full of ups and downs, but Jesse would have never changed a single thing. From squeezing in midnight phone calls when their schedules were too hectic to moving in together last year, every second spent with Taiga was better than the last. But small moments like just now, having Taiga wrapped in his arms between shows, were still Jesse’s favorite. He’d lay there as long as Taiga needed to catch up on a little beauty sleep until they eventually needed to prepare for the next show. Maybe Jesse would even catch an hour of shut eye before another member of SixTONES inevitably came in, waking the two of them up with loud teasing that they had been caught cuddling again.
But the sound of fingers tapping on a phone screen filled Jesse’s ears, and his attention was drawn down to the soft squishy man who was not sleeping like he was supposed to be doing.
“What are you up to?” Jesse said, reaching his arm over to poke Taiga in the cheek. The little pout and glare up at Jesse were too impossibly cute, and he longed to capture those perfect lips in a kiss.
“I’m playing a game,” Taiga said simply, nuzzling his cheek into Jesse’s chest. His expression changed in a moment, a large grin spreading across his lips. He thrust one of his fists into the air as he let out a happy shout. “I did it!”
“Mhm,” Jesse hummed, trying to hide his laughter. When Taiga became wrapped in his own little world, he was too impossibly cute. “Want to teach me about it?”
It was one of Taiga’s favorite pastimes, trying to teach Jesse in depth about all of his nerdy interests. There had been a few nights that Taiga had shown PowerPoint presentations, all made by Kochi under Taiga’s strict supervision, as he lectured Jesse about complex story lines and character analyses about all of the major characters in the games and anime he loved. The lectures would go on for hours as Taiga got lost in tangents of details he forgot to include. There were a few times he had even pulled up an episode of an anime, so Jesse could watch a particular scene to understand what made a particular character so perfect.
Most of it went over Jesse’s head, his brain not able to grasp so many characters and plotlines so quickly, but he loved how passionate Taiga was about his hobbies. He loved watching Taiga get so fired up and excited when he was describing an impressive Conan case or how excited he was for a new Pokémon Go event. Jesse wanted nothing more than to listen to his boyfriend talk about what he loved, for it made Jesse fall even harder every time.
“I’ll give you the basics right now, and Kochi can make the presentation later,” Taiga said, his eyes already sparkling. “Are you ready? Cause once I start, we’re going all the way.”’
“That sounds nice,” Jesse said, a slight purr to his voice. “Though I’m not sure the other members or the staff would appreciate walking in on us.”
Taiga flushed, his cheeks turning a rosy pink. “Later! In the hotel,” he choked out. “Right now it’s Pokémon and Pokémon only, mister. No impure thoughts are allowed!” He poked Jesse’s chest after every word for emphasis, and it made Jesse laugh. He loved a flustered Taiga more than he could ever put into words.
“So this is Pokémon TCG Pocket,” Taiga said, resting the bottom of his phone on Jesse’s stomach so they could both see it. “It’s a card collecting app, and it’s so much fun. You can friend other people and trade cards and battle, too!” There was so much excitement in Taiga’s words, a roaring energy that hadn’t been in him moments before. He was positively vibrating against Jesse. “I’ll walk you through everything!”
The screen looked absolutely foreign to Jesse, a plain white with various sections with words he didn’t understand. Well, he understood what a ‘shop’ was. That was easy enough, but what was a ‘wonder pick’ and what were those little cards in the top left corner? He was impossibly curious, but Jesse held off on his questions for now. He trusted Taiga to explain what each thing was.
“So these,” Taiga said, thumb hovering over the center of the screen, “are the card packs. Every pack has different cards, and there are common cards all the way up to crown cards.” Taiga blinked. “I’ll explain those later. Basically crown cards at the rarest cards in the whole set. They’re super hard to get. I’ve only pulled five of them.”
Jesse filed that information into the back of his head. He wanted to be a good student.
“The three packs that are on the main screen are the newest ones but if you hit this little button in the corner…” He tapped a tiny button that looked like a simple black and white card pack, and the screen was filled with various titles that Jesse didn’t understand. Things like Eevee Grove and Secluded Springs along with so many numbers that made his head spin filled the screen now. “These are all of the old packs. The first number is how many cards I’ve collected in the set, and the second is how many total cards you can get.”
Most of the sets were complete, a few cards here and there that Taiga was still missing. It was impressive how much time and energy he had put into completing his various collections.
“So every day you can open two packs of cards for free,” Taiga said, clicking back to the home screen, “and every pack gives you five cards. If you want to buy more chances to open cards or other items, you go to the shop.” His thumb pointed to the shop button just below the card packs. “And you can also try and win cards that other people have pulled here.” Taiga’s thumb drifted over to the button that read ‘wonder picks.’ “You can randomly choose a card here. Okay so now.” Taiga said, shifting slightly in Jesse’s arms. “Let’s get into cards and card rarity.”
He clicked one of the buttons at the bottom of the screen and launched into his next speech, Jesse getting lost in hearing his boyfriend ramble about diamonds and stars and shinies. He saw so many cards with designs he liked and were intrigued by, letting Taiga tell him every little detail that popped into his brain.
Jesse knew, like many of Taiga’s past lectures, that he wouldn’t retain a lot of the information being thrown at him. He wanted to. He truly did, and he was lucky that Taiga was patient and would answer each and every one of Jesse’s questions, no matter how many times he asked. It gave Taiga another excuse to ramble more about something that he loved, knowing fully well that Jesse would cling to every word.
It was incredible how they balanced each other, supporting the other in their endeavors and interests. Taiga brought excitement and joy into Jesse’s life, shooing away clouds and bringing in sunshine to those darkest days. They fought of course, little arguments here and there from different upbringings, but they always found a way to talk things through and come to a mutual understanding. It was one of the healthiest relationships Jesse had in his entire life, and he wouldn’t have given it up for the world.
For Taiga, Jesse saw how he had become his boyfriend’s safe space as the years passed by. Of course, Taiga had always been loud and passionate about his interests within the group. That was nothing new. After so many years together, there was a bond of trust between them that could never be broken, but as the years had progressed, Jesse noticed Taiga leaning on him more and more. Jesse was the one Taiga went to when doubt started to cloud his mind and when Taiga was trying to decide whether he pursue a solo music project outside of SixTONES. Though he wasn’t the best at giving advice, he was there when Jesse needed support, spoiling Jesse rotten with affection and kisses when he didn’t feel good enough.
How did he get so lucky? How had Taiga even agreed to date him? There were times that Jesse would get lost in rehearsals, the staff focused on another member of SixTONES for a moment leaving Jesse’s mind to wander. He’d look over at Taiga who was bouncing around on the balls of his feet, hips sticking out in odd directions as he tried to keep himself entertained while they waited, and Jesse became so overwhelmed by the love in his heart. It was even worse during concerts when Taiga was sparkling on stage, performing for thousands, and Jesse had to remind himself that he was supposed to be doing a job as well, not watching his boyfriend be so dazzling.
But it was days like these, with Taiga in his arms, rambling this, that or the other, that Jesse craved the most. When they were so painfully normal and not super idols and just two people in love. He wanted to always spend nights on the couch, curled up together, with Taiga’s warm body pressed into Jesse’s. He wanted to feel every ounce of Taiga against him, his little touches and pokes as he tried to get Jesse’s attention. He wanted to order take out and watch dumb movies or curl up and watch Conan every week with Taiga. Hell, Jesse would even download a Pokémon game and play it if it meant more time with the man he loved.
If his days were filled with Taiga, that was all that mattered. SixTONES could lose all of their fans, every ounce of popularity they had built since they were teenagers filming a drama together, and Jesse wouldn’t care as long as Taiga was by his side. Whether they were standing on stage together, singing their hearts out, or spending a quiet moment together, his heart was so impossibly tied to Taiga that the knot between them could never come undone, and Jesse never wanted to undo it. He would rather swim across the Pacific than lose what he had, his love too powerful to give up after all of these years.
Gods, he wanted to marry Taiga so badly it hurt.
The dressing room was impossibly quiet, Taiga’s passionate speech no longer filling Jesse’s ears like it had once. He blinked, a momentary panic filling him. Had he been so lost in thought that he had missed Taiga asking him a question? Taiga sometimes did that when he noticed Jesse’s attention drifting a little, ensuring that Jesse was fully present and actively listening. He should have known Taiga would ask him a question about his card collecting game!
Taiga’s words were so soft when he spoke, a quiet disbelief threaded in between every word. “Are you serious?” he asked. His phone was resting on Jesse’s chest, his now freed hand gripping onto Jesse’s shirt. “You…you want to marry me?”
Jesse felt himself flush. He hadn’t realized he had said that. The idea had first entered his brain at some point, perhaps around the time they had moved in together? Jesse had woken up early one morning, deciding to surprise Taiga and order breakfast from one of their favorite local places for whenever he woke up. The food had just arrived when Taiga came padding out from their bedroom, hair askew and standing up at odd angles. Taiga had slid into Jesse’s arms, sleep still clinging to his eyes, and nuzzling Jesse with his whole being, thanking him for the food. It had been the first of many moments that Jesse had not only been happy they made to leap to move in together but also Jesse found himself wanting to propose more and more.
“Yes,” Jesse said when he noticed Taiga staring up at him. “I do, but I want to properly ask you in a more romantic way. A nice dinner or midnight walk along the beach. I want to write a speech about how much you mean to me and select the perfect rings-”
Taiga silenced him with a kiss, all of the words that Jesse wanted to say getting lost as they fell away to be long forgotten. All of the stress and worry that he had accidentally ruined his plans melted away as Taiga shifted, straddling Jesse’s waist as he deepened the kiss. Jesse’s hands settled on Taiga’s hips, smiling as he felt Taiga’s hands curl around his face.
Jesse didn’t mind being the one to initiate moments of affection between the two of them, but he always loved when Taiga initiated things as well. It quieted the seeds of doubt that clung to Jesse’s brain, the ones that had been there since he was a teenager, telling him that he wasn’t good enough. That he would never be at the same level. That Taiga deserved someone more beautiful, more kind, more and more and more than Jesse could ever be. But when Taiga kissed him, whether in bed or wrapping his arms around Jesse’s neck to pull him down for a kiss, those doubts and worries disappeared from Jesse’s mind. Taiga loved him, and that was enough.
“Of course I’ll marry you,” Taiga said between kisses, his eyes so warm whenever Jesse caught flashes of them. “I’d marry you today if I could.” He peppered Jesse’s skin with affection, kissing his cheeks, his nose, and eye lashes. With each kiss, Jesse could feel Taiga’s happiness growing, Jesse’s own rising to match Taiga’s growing fervor. “Do we have to have another show? We should fake being sick and run off to get married right now.”
“I think our manager might kill us if we ran off to elope.” Jesse laughed, reaching a hand up to stroke Taiga’s cheek. “And it’s not the way I envisioned myself getting married. I want a huge ceremony with both of our families and a party that lasts until the break of dawn. I want to see you in a suit and put a ring on your finger that you’ll wear for the rest of your life.”
Taiga was quiet for a moment, Jesse watching how the little gears in his head were working overtime before he nodded. “Let’s do that. All of that. I want to make your dream come true.”
Jesse pulled Taiga down for another crushing kiss, his heart feeling as if it had grown two sizes in his chest. If someone walked in on them, Jesse wouldn’t have cared. The only thing that mattered was Taiga and planning the largest wedding their agency had ever seen. It would take a lot of work, a lot of long nights trying to find the right pieces, but Jesse knew that they could do it. The only thing he wanted was to spend the rest of his life with Taiga by his side.